


waking up (disoriented)

by usniverse



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Drabble, Gen, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, My First Work in This Fandom, but anyway, i love seven, i wrote this in a rush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-12-06 21:23:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11609220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/usniverse/pseuds/usniverse
Summary: Waking up, disoriented.I glance at the clock. Saturday, July 22nd 2017. 9:40 AM.





	waking up (disoriented)

 

Waking up, disoriented.

 

I glance at the clock. Saturday, July 22nd 2017\. 9:40 AM. A long sleep, I suppose.

 

I reach out for my phone, swiping the screen to check the notification. A habit I’ve grown since… Was it last month? Last two months? I can’t remember the exact time.

 

Text messages from Sumin.

 

E-mail notification from some clothing stores.

 

Group chats.

 

I sigh. Still nothing from Saeyoung.

 

“Stop it.” Sumin has told her. For thousands, maybe millions of times. She always tells me whenever she visits. Whenever she catches me glancing at my phone.

 

“He’s not here.”

 

She’s true. I had woken up one morning, with an empty side of the bed. Saeyoung is nowhere to be seen ever since.

 

“He’s not coming back.”

 

And I badly want to believe her. It’s been over a month after all, probably two. He’s never missing for this long, not for a work, not for anything. The longest he’s been away was 3 days and he came back with two boxes of pizza and half a dozen cans of Dr. Pepper. And a kiss on my forehead and a hug so tight that sometimes if I close my eyes and focus, I can feel his sturdy arms around my waist.

 

I walk gingerly toward the kitchen. Maybe have some instant food. There’s this ambiguous thing about your decision to sleep. You lack of it and you feel like shit, you have too much of it and you feel like shit. Getting the right amount is as hard as measuring a perfect dose for chemical substances. I don’t even learn chemistry.

 

I think it’s when the water is boiling and I’m about to put in the ramen when I hear the door creaks open. I stop midway.

 

The footsteps are too familiar not to notice. Eventually, I put the ramen in. Still too afraid to turn around. Too hesitant. What if I’m hallucinating?

 

But then a pair of arms snakes its way around my waist, a clean-shaved chin nests against my shoulder. My body is rigid for a while, but after what feels like eternity and he doesn’t let go, I turn around, facing the figure I’ve been missing for months and hug him with all of my might.

 

“Where the hell have you been?!” I whine, voice muffled against his shirt. He still smells like home.

 

Saeyoung pecks the crown of my head. I can hear the smile in his voice.

 

“I’m here now.”

 

I want to be mad at him then. How easy it is for him to leave because whenever he comes back, I’ll be here. Waiting for him. Accepting him. But I can’t, because his embrace feels so right, and the lips I’ve been missing so badly are pressed against mine.

 

*****

 

Despite waking up relatively late, I go to bed earlier than usual. It’s weekend and Saeyoung is back and all I want to do is cuddle with him.

 

“Just a cuddle? Are you sure?” He teases and I have to fight the urge to smack him in the face with a pillow. Or with my lips. It’s always a hard decision when it comes to Choi Saeyoung, really.

 

I’ve asked him again about his whereabouts, and he just answers with a simple “work”.

 

“You can hack at home. All you need is a PC and internet connection, what’s with the sudden mobility?”

 

I may sound childish, too clingy. It should not matter because Saeyoung is here now, like he always comes back wherever he goes. But it scares the hell out of me, this past month. With no Saeyoung around. No idea about where he is. It scares me to think that he might leave and never come back.

 

Missing Saeyoung is hard. But it’s one thing. Fear of him leaving, is another.

 

“I’m here now,” he repeats and it should be enough. But it is not.

 

He hugs me tighter, closer, that my back is pressed against his chest. I place my palm on top of his, liking how small my hand looks compared to his.

 

“And I won’t leave anymore.”

 

It should be enough. I guess.

 

Then with the warmth of his chest and the steady of his breath, I fall asleep. Safe in Saeyoung’s arms.

 

*****

 

The next day, we both wake up late – again. We even miss the Sunday service. (Not that I attended any this past one month without Saeyoung, anyway).

 

“Breakfast in bed?” He yawns, and I give in to the urge of ruffling his messy red hair, chuckling at how adorable he looks when he’s sleepy.

 

“Depends on which one you’re talking about,” I smirk.

 

Saeyoung is quick to respond. Geez, he’s always so quick when it comes to this stuff.

 

I’ve been pinned down against the bed with him hovering on top of me, lips on my throat when I let out another giggle and peck him on his lips.

 

“I’m hungry.”

 

“You can eat me all you want,” Saeyoung has answered and this time, I smack him hard on his face with a pillow.

 

We decide on a scrambled egg. The only meal both of us can decently cook. At least not burnt – not too much – and edible.

 

It’s when the table is set and the scrambled egg is halfway gone when the bell rings. I announce that I’ll get it, earning a triumphant smile from Saeyoung as he reaches for the last piece of egg. I tell him something about he needs to pay with a big bag of chips as I open the door. It’s Sumin.

 

“Geez woman, when you’re with me, you’re all on your phone. And when you’re not, it’s like you don’t have any phone to begin with,” she complains, barging in while carrying a bag of snacks and vegetables. Must be to stock my fridge.

 

Sumin is my childhood friend. We’re inseparable, to put it mildly. And she’s always the one to ensure that I stay alive. With unhealthy tendency of eating that both Saeyoung and I have, Sumin’s existence makes sure that we have something to eat – and by something, it’s a proper meal – by stocking my fridge almost every week.

 

“Sorry, been off of my phone since last night,” I grin. Now that Saeyoung is here, I don’t find any reason of why I should be anxiously checking my phone every day and night.

 

“Perfect timing anyway! Saeyoung’s just arrived yesterday.”

 

And that’s when I notice Sumin’s shoulders go tense. She stops taking the snacks out midway before she slowly turns around to face me.

 

“…What?”

 

The look in her face puzzles me. Okay, she might have been surprised. After all, she’s the one who persists that Saeyoung is not coming back. Never will.

 

But the look in Sumin’s face is much more than just a mild surprise. Even shocked would be an understatement. It’s a look of pure horror, like all the blood in her face has been drained.

 

Like Saeyoung’s comeback is not supposed to happen.

 

“What do you mean what?” I laugh. Nervously.

 

“He’s right there in the dining table,” I point at where Saeyoung is sitting. He raises a hand to greet Sumin, cheeks puffing as he’s still chewing on the food.

 

Sumin grabs my wrists, there’s an urgency in her voice.

 

“Stop it.” She says. Again.

 

What’s there to stop? Jesus Christ. Saeyoung comes back. The one who should stop right now is her. Stop scaring me would be a good start.

 

Sumin looks at me right in the eyes. She always does this whenever she’s on her super-serious mode. It means she has no time to joke around and I have to fully listen to her. The last time she does this was months ago, right before Saeyoung left. When I woke up, disoriented, and went frantic because Saeyoung was nowhere to be found.

 

Back then, she has said something similar with what she’s currently saying. I must’ve forgotten, or I must’ve not believed her.

 

“Saeyoung is not real.”

 

It always starts that way. Now that I remember, Sumin has told me this too many times. I lose counts of how many she tells and how many I forgets. How many I reject.

 

“What do you mean- he-“

 

I frantically turn around to face Saeyoung, a quizzical look on his face. His eyes stare at me questioningly through his grey-striped yellow glasses. Then I look back at Sumin, eyes digging deep into mine, trying to find… what? A sanity that is probably left there?

 

“He’s here! What do you mean he’s not real?! You’re being ridiculous!”

 

My voice is half a pitch too high and Sumin remains firm. Her certainty scares me that I look away, looking back and forth from her to Saeyoung.

 

And somewhere along the way, Saeyoung’s suddenly gone out of my sight.

 

His plate is still there. Empty. Untouched. My plate, filled with unfinished scrambled egg.

 

But the dining seat is empty. Cold. Like it’s not seated before. Like it’s never been seated before.

 

“He’s… gone…” I croak out. Confused.

 

And then, everything comes back all at once.

 

Two months ago.

 

Saeyoung left.

 

No- no, he didn’t.

 

I uninstalled the game.

 

 _“You need to draw a line between what’s reality and what’s not.”_ Sumin said back then. Then, she repeated it for more couple of times.

 

_“It’s just a game. He’s not real.”_

 

It was hard at first, to accept. The first week was nightmare. Then, gradually, I got better. Slowly forgetting. Slowly drawing a line.

 

Then, somewhere along the way, it got blurry again. The line faded and I found myself waiting for Saeyoung’s return.

 

Saeyoung lives. With me, even without the game.

 

He’s not supposed to.

 

He’s _not_ real.

 

Sumin hugs me, so tight that I cry. My head spins with memories of Saeyoung. Saeyoung on my bed, Saeyoung bringing home Chinese food, Saeyoung’s lips on my neck, on my palm. Saeyoung’s everywhere in me.

 

And on top of that, the harsh fact that he’s not real.

 

I spend another 15 minutes crying. Sumin’s just there, hugging me, letting her shirt wet because of my tears.

 

*****

 

Waking up, disoriented.

 

I glance at the clock. Thursday, October 26th 2017\. 06:00 AM.

 

I roll to the right side of the bed.

 

It’s empty.

 

I freeze.

 

Choi Saeyoung, where the hell are you?!


End file.
